How is it that the biggest most important job any man could land himself does not require the successful applicant to have an interview or have any previous and relevant experience or hold any qualifications pertinent to the job? The candidate gets the job without an interview because he is the only applicant and he goes in completely blind to navigate his way through previously uncharted waters.
The job I'm talking about here is not that of C.E.O. of some huge conglomerate (or that of a captain of a ship looking back at my metaphor above) but the job of being a Dad. In my view the role of father to a child is the biggest responsibility any of us will ever take on.
Over the years I have had many different jobs, some of them what you might call very high profile where I have been responsible for hundreds of employees and the decisions and actions I made on a daily basis could impact on those peoples lives in some way. In jobs such as these there is a burden of responsibility to do the right thing for your business and the people who work for you but in your job whatever it is you do you have over time built up to where you are now. You have probably studied and attended various training and coaching sessions and/or read books on your subject. You will have gained more and more experience as the years go by and with that you gain the confidence to deal with whatever comes up on a day to day basis. In short I'm saying that over time you build your CV that is relevant to whatever field of employment you happen to be in.
But answer me this.... How do you build a CV that will prepare you for becoming a Dad for the first time? How do you prepare for the most important role you will ever have and quite significantly in this role you have to hit the ground running on day 1! There is no probationary period with this job. There is no HR Dept. or 'Staff Handbook' to refer to when you need some guidance.
I suppose it could be argued that a man is not playing the father game alone because there's also a mother involved in bringing up the child and I would have to agree that is true for many parts of the parent role but there is still a very important part to play on your own as a Dad and 'on your own' is the significant part of what I just said here....
We're on our own in this because we are men and in the main we tend to do the 'man' thing of not communicating on subjects not deemed to be particularly 'manly' and that's one of the main reasons I decided that I would start Blogging I want to start the ball rolling and get men talking more about their status as Dads. Since my son was born 14 years ago I have watched in awe as my wife 'Trudie' has taken to motherhood like a duck to water, always seeming to know just what to do and when to do it in any given situation. From the very first night we spent at home with our baby and he woke up crying in the night and I had no idea what was wrong she instinctively knew what to do. As it was he just needed feeding but how on earth was I to know that!? Motherly instinct and intuition plays a big part in guiding a woman to be a good mother but women also enhance their CV in motherhood by talking and learning from other women. They learn from their midwife, they talk to their mum and other mums and friends all the time sharing their experiences of being a mum but blokes in the main just don't do that and I think it's high time we did and I'll tell you why....
Becoming parents did not happen too easily for Trudie and me in that we had to go through 12 years of IVF before we realized our own little miracle in the shape of our baby boy Jaja. It's fair to say those 12 years had their up's and downs be they emotional, financial, physical or otherwise and at times we really struggled to hold our marriage together. One upshot from all this was that it dawned on us that we had a story to tell that might inspire other couples who found themselves in a similar situation. We decided to tell our story and together we wrote the book 'Dreams Do Come True'. While we were in the process of writing our book we realised we could go one step further in helping other couples on IVF by giving proceeds from sales of the book to the IVF unit at St Marys Hospital and it is our intention that the money goes directly to couples who otherwise could not afford the cost of IVF treatment. We want other couples to experience the joy that we found in having a baby just because we decided to write a book!
When we told the people at St Marys what we were doing they were overjoyed and invited us to come and meet with the consultant gynecologist who is head of the unit and it was in this meeting when I realised what a massive part there is for men to play in the whole parenting thing.
The doctor loved the idea of getting much needed money for the NHS funded IVF unit, he readily agreed with us that many couples going through treatment would be inspired to keep keeping on by reading about others who had walked in their shoes but most interesting of all was when he said... "If your book does nothing more than open the channels to get men talking about the situation they are in then it will be a massive step forward". He then went on to explain that far too many couples fall off the IVF wagon due to breakdowns in the relationship because in almost every case the woman feels that she is in there on her own. Not only is she the one having most of the treatment but far too often she is the only one who will talk openly about the place they find themselves at.
So you see this strong, silent man stuff starts even before the baby is born and I have to say guys we need to take a leaf out of the book that the girls are reading and start talking to each other or at the very least talk to your wife / partner.
I know our dad's didn't talk to us about raising kids, neither did our uncle or best mate but we have to start somewhere. We all have experiences to share and we owe it to our kids to learn everything we can that will help us be the best Dad's that we can be. It's far too important a job to just 'have a stab at it and see how we get on'! From the minute they are born our kids look to us for guidance in everything they do until they reach an age and a maturity where they can start to go it alone but all the while that they are growing up they are following our example, listening to what we have to say and considering our viewpoints. Whether we want it or not we all carry the huge responsibility of shaping by example the way our offspring think and act in all manner of different situations. Kids minds are like sponges and will soak up anything that you immerse them in so surely you want them to set out in life equipped with the very best of what you have to offer them as a dad? I know that I do and I certainly don't think that I know it all so lets converse, let's swap experiences and ideas on all things Dad related as we prepare our kids for the wonderful lives they will lead because we set them on the right path.
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